What can you learn by spending 3 years away ?????

Yeah I know its been over three months since my last blog post......sorry I took a little hiatus to do the motherhood thing for a minute. BUT I'm back!

BIG IDEA: Life is full of twists and turns.

Essential Questions: What can you learn in 2 years? What can traveling around the world and working in a foreign country teach you? How different are your decisions/ choices/ regrets because you are living far away from family & friends?

Life: We think we have life figured out.  We have a plan and know the direction in which we are headed.  While some of that might be true, life is soooo incredibly unpredictable and unforgiving. One day we think we understand the world and the people around us; and the next day everything seems almost alien & foreign. This is the thing that I learned, you are meant to live life and not fret over the fact that your plan doesn't seem to work out the way you intended.  Life is expansive and creative. It is dynamic and explosive and wonderful and crazy.  There are things you were meant to do and become. It matters that you work to do and become them. And thats what life is about....working towards, while taking it all in simultaneously.

Friends: This journey has taught me that true friends will remain connected to you no matter how far away you live and how often you travel back home.  True friends will accept the fact that your time is limited when you come home, but find ways to make memories out of the simplest things (i.e. - BBQ, picnics, breakfast, quick lunches, ice cream, drive-by's, walks in the park, Skype). It is all precious time and needs to be truly valued...since it could all be taken away from us in a blink of an eye.  So I have learned over the past few years to be thankful for the few very close friends who I can randomly call or email disturbing & silly questions, and get instant motivation from when I've hit a wall.  So if you are one of them....thank you, your friendship means more than you know.   

Finding your purpose and doing GOOD: Over the last few years, I have learned that you can live a profound life by doing things that are profound. You can add meaning and purpose to life by doing meaningful and purposeful things.  For me that is Education, Teaching, Learning, and Inspiring. I believe that I have the capacity for great good.  I truly believe a simple act of kindness sends a ripple through life that continues to radiate out of others, inspired by you.  I actively look for opportunities to bless others’ lives and I'm proud of that.

Work - So many lessons learned in this area......how about a list instead:

• I have learned to set high expectations and force others to raise up.
• I have learned to hold fast to my values and beliefs whether it makes me popular or not. 
• I have learned that my fear of failure, has pushed me to do amazing things & make courageous choices.
• I have developed an art for dealing with many personalities, attitudes, and demeanors. 
• I have accepted the fact that I'm not perfect, and learned to embrace my mistakes and shortcomings. 
• I have accepted that not all educators are created equal.
• I acknowledge that I am a work in progress....and tact isn't always one of my strong suits:)

Family:  Having a baby thousands of miles away from family has proven to be both the most beautiful and most challenging task I have ever embarked on.  There have been many occurrences over the past seven months that have made me question my ability to raise a child, work full time, be a wife, sister, daughter and just Selina.  Not having family here in Doha is a lot harder than I anticipated.  While we have colleagues and a few friends who are wonderful and offer their services with Sage; it is not the same as having my mom or sister who I could just drop Sage off with to run and get a manicure, shop, or just hit the gym.  Juggling our time has been the biggest challenge given our jammed packed work schedules.  I feel like the past year has taught me to survive on little sleep, work on empty, and appreciate the downtime that we do get together as a family.  But I really do weigh my homesickness with the desire to finish things I have started in terms of education/life.

Money: Dont ever underestimate the importance of money. I know its often been said that money won't make you happy and this is undeniably true, but everything else being equal, its a lovely thing to have around the house.  I have learned that I like not having to pay rent, utilities, or a car note.  I love traveling the world to exotic and interesting places, meeting some of the most fascinating people every year.  And without the money to be able to do it....I would just be working a job to survive every year and thats boring.  So I am thankful for the opportunity to have funds to indulge in various forms of entertainment that is both enriching and fun.

Gotta learn to live with regrets: 

As Jay Z said " This is the number one rule for your set

In order to survive got to learn to live with regrets

On the rise to the top many drop, don't forget

In order to survive got to learn to live with regrets"

Even when you think you did the best you could, hindsight asks if you did everything you could.  if you could’ve made more of an effort to make it happen…if your priorities were always as sound as they felt in the moment…..life, choices, decisions......

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Babies Cry A lot: Welcome Sage Marjean Collins

It has been a long stretch of time since I written my last blog post.  My whole world has completely transformed over the course of a few short months.  Let’s rewind a bit…..

Pregnancy Up to Labor:

As you know the pregnancy itself went pretty smooth, which I didn't expect at all given the horror stories I heard for so many years.  No heartburn, indigestion, or mood swings; but sleeping comfortably was a freaking bitch. I gained exactly the right amount of weight by eating all the recommended foods and avoided things like sugary snacks & processed foods.  I was proud of myself for sticking to a healthy diet and exercise routine.  Everyone warned me about working out while pregnant and keeping to a daily exercise regimen; but it proved to be magical for my recovery. The labor/delivery on the other hand was a bit more problematic.  Nothing can prepare you for what happens during the active labor part of delivery.  All of my friends and family members (bless their hearts) tried to explain to me what contractions would feel like and the massive amount of energy needed to push out a baby.  Needless to say when the moment came…..none of the advice, knowledge, or support helped easy the intense penetrating pain.

 

Contractions feel like:

A few friends have asked me since the labor/delivery what it felt like and what was the worst part; so in as few words as possible I’ll sum up the experience.  It was too soon after the ordeal to talk about before.  Contractions do not feel like “really bad” period pains…people lie when they say that bullshit!  Contractions feel as if your body has a life of its own and you are unable to ignore it or sit or lie still very easily. My stomach tighten up and it literally took my breath away as they gradually got stronger.  When they say the human body is remarkable and can withstand immense pain; it's the TRUTH! They are very rhythmic and powerful, it hurts but in a way that is very difficult to describe and it is the most intense feeling you will ever feel as a woman. 

Life Changes = Evolution

So to give you an idea of how my life has changed since Sage:  I’ve had to stop writing this blog post only 20 minutes into writing because she refuses to do anything else but cry hysterically if I don't rock her in my arms at this very moment.  And nope she refuses to let daddy to it right now…..as she screams bloody murder (sigh). L

Ok, back to this post……now 45 minutes later

That's exactly what has changed the most about our lives, our ability to live independently and spontaneously.  Everything is now a calculated routine from how long it will take for me to run errands before having to breastfeed; to how quickly we can cook and eat dinner together before she wakes up; to how long can she really cry before finally falling asleep.  It’s exhausting and challenging.  It's the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in life so far.  The things that suck about having a baby (far away from home with no family) still suck.....but I'm learning to adjust & prioritize 

The Baby – Sage Marjean Collins

Sage is now 8 weeks old and completely remarkable.  It’s hard to believe that I care as much for a little person, as I do an adult who I’ve known for 30 something years of my life.  While life has totally changed, I can honestly say now that I can’t imagine my life without her.

Just the 3 of us! 

Top 8 things I love about Sage (no particular order)

• She babbles when she wakes up in the morning to get our attention
• She grabs my shirt and holds it so tightly when she feeds
• She loves listening to music and dancing with us
• She smells wonderful (even when she spits up)
• She has the softest hands and feet
• She likes to lay on my chest and look up into my eyes
• She looks like a chipmunk when she is swaddled
• She likes to take afternoon walks

Maternity Leave - 5 week countdown

Last 6 weeks of Pregnancy: 

So the first 8 months of pregnancy was not at all what I expected.  No real issues, my weight gain was completely gradual, very little mood swings or depression, zero cravings, and overall the poster gal of happiness.  Now that I have reached the end it seems like every symptom that I didn't exhibit is slowly piling up to drive me completely insane right before I go into labor.  It’s almost like a cruel joke being played on me for being too damn jovial about my lack of symptoms.

Since this is my first baby I have no real point of reference for pain or what’s normal; but I tell you that my hips consistently hurting every night (even though I bought a body pillow) just cant be normal.  Waking up at 1am, 3 am, 4am is completely annoying (and don't say it gives me practice….bc I don't want it yet)! And the weight that is pulling my back, front, stomach, everything pretty much down is insufferable.   Not to mention my inability to sit straight up, roll out of bed properly, or get out of a tub unassisted.  How in the hell do women do this over and over again?

Everyone keeps telling me to hang in there, hold on for this wonderful surprise at the end of the tunnel, or ooh labor is gonna be much worst…..well guess what none of that shit makes me feel better right now.  I see why women have postpartum at the end of all of this.    

Maternity Leave and Summer Vacation 2014:
35 Weeks and it feels like I am falling apart! (lol). I am going on maternity leave in a few weeks, but it feels like it just cannot get here quick enough!! I always thought I would be able to work up to the very end so that I can spend as much time as possible with the baby afterwards, but now I really admire woman that are able to actually do this. Day to day I find myself struggling to get up in the morning, my back is giving me hell, and I loath putting on any clothes that aren’t sweatpants.  Sooooo I am really looking forward to a little "break" from work and the opportunity to focus on my baby and family.

Summer vacation is about 4 weeks after I get back from maternity leave (which Im sure will feel like an eternity) and we are trying to decide the best course of action for summer vacation 2014.  Multiple demands, request, and inquisitive questions about how we are spending our summer are already flooding in.  Apparently, everyone has suddenly forgotten that planning a summer vacation with a newborn baby can be quite overwhelming for new parents!?! Babies are naturally high maintenance and their needs can be demanding (especially the first few months); and lets not forget the 13 hour plane ride we would have to endure to come back to expensive NYC.  In addition to the whole suitcase full of baby items to try to check and store on an airplane or the pressurized cabin that will make the newborn baby ears pop.  Doesn't sound fun right?

So with that said, people may just have to visit us aboard if they want to see the baby.  With all the traveling back and forth to NY we have already done over our 16 months living in the Middle East, it seems like a bit much to expect again in terms of finances, travel, & time.  So what are we thinking? Well, since every place in the world except maybe London and Paris are cheaper to stay at for an extended time period than NYC, maybe we will rent a place for a month somewhere in Europe and invite people to come visit us overseas.  What don't y'all want to venture out of Miami, the Caribbean or Mexico for a summer?  It will be well worth it ☺ and y'all only have to pay for your flight!  These are preliminary plans…..keep you posted on what we decide, where and for how long.





Friends & The Structure of Friendship:  
One of the things I’ve learned to appreciate on my epic journey across several countries the past 16 months is that people are just as fluid as life itself is; and with given circumstances every thing and everyone can change in unimaginable ways.  The friends we once held tight and close over the years for one reason or another can change so quickly that you begin wondering if you ever actually had a strong friendship with that person.  Note I don't necessarily think that is bad though, I sincerely believe that people come into our life for a reason and/or a season…….just so happens some stay longer than others.

Lessons learned over this year…..some things that kill friendships:
1. Lack of reciprocation  (it's a give and take relationship)
2. Negativity (toxicity)
3. Inability to adapt to change (people change and so do situations…..have to learn to adapt with them)
4. Conflicts that grow (Those people who pretend that nothing is wrong or shutting down instead of talking to your friend)

I guess the best way to frame it is:  “Friends” come and go, but there are precious few you should hold on to.  You should always work hard to bridge the gaps between geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need people who know & understand the myriad of changes that have occurred throughout your life.  So be willing to make new friends along your journey of life, but try to nurture & maintain the ones you hold near and dear to your heart.