Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Finding Inspiration


I’d like to start this blog post with a note I wrote to a dear friend recently…who struggled with many of the same job-related issues that I faced over the past few months.
 
As an adult it is much more difficult to forge new friendships and maintain old ones.  It is important to hold on to a few people who truly inspire you....who give you hope and feed your soul with positivity when negativity is beating you down. I'm thankful for our conversations and for the inspiration that you have given me (even when you didn't know). Sometimes God puts people in our life for a reason....and those very rare few special people confirm the light at the end of the tunnel for us….and that motivates us to keep moving forward. 

As the Thanksgiving holiday passes another year, I found myself seriously reflecting on past and present friendships and the holistic value that they play in my life.  I thought long and hard about what friends are good to keep in my life and which ones needed to be let go.  And I guess the overall conclusions I came to made me rethink the importance of people in my life and how much I am willing to give in return for their friendship.  
1.    Time doesn't equal friendship.  I’ve made the mistake of thinking that just because I have known a person for months/years that I should remain friends with them, even when the friendship is empty and I get nothing in return from the relationship.
2.    Friendships are not one sided.  A friend doesn't only call you when they need something, are having drama, or need to ask for a favor.
3.    Friends keep you positive and help you stay grounded.  If someone doesn't feed your soul or push you to become a better person each day, then it doesn't make sense to continue calling them a friend.


Life in Qatar one year later……

Over a year ago, I was anxious for a change in my life but couldn’t figure out if that change was a new apartment, new job, or new city. After many conversations with friends, family, mentors and just about anyone who would listen to me talk – I realized it was all of the above.  I was ready to leave the city maybe the country and start out on an adventure that was not predetermined.  I no longer wanted to be caught in the “Busy Trap” of NYC.  In NYC, busy meant working hard and playing hard.  It meant spending less time with loved one as my job occupied most of my time, and partying hard ranked pretty high in exchange for my daily hard work. 

Don't get me wrong I adore the changing colors of the Empire State Building lights; I enjoyed sitting on the steps of Brownstones drinking margaritas in the summer; I liked fighting through the snow and sludge to grab hot chocolate from Dunkin Donuts before keeping warm in a lounge around Christmastime. And most of all I love the fabulous, fiery friends I spent many nights with laughing until I almost peed on myself.

I DO STILL miss all of those things!

But a year ago, it was hard for people to believe that life exists outside of NYC and I certainly was hoping that the decisions I made would lead me to the life I was looking for.   Well, a year later have I found what I was searching for?  Only now have I come to realize how important leaving was for my sanity, as well, for my immense desire to change/switch up my lifestyle.  Getting out of New York helped me rediscover the outside world, while living in Doha has reminded me to ignore the world if you're happy with where you are (in life) and what you're moving toward.  So with that said Doha is not the last stop on my destination unknown…..but I’m enjoying the moments that I couldn't have in NYC while maintaining vigilance of new opportunities and/or signs of a change to come.

The Baby is coming…..100 day countdown
As wonderful as the idea of pregnancy can be, it is also one of the most stressful life events that a couple goes through especially after having a previous miscarriage.  I have always felt that society and the media, all too often project pregnancy as a perfect condition that results in the birth of a beautiful bundle of joy at the end of a problem-free nine months lol. But the more you ask around, the more you find out that a vast majority of women encounter issues contrary to this perfect pregnancy idea. 
 
While my pregnancy in general has been rather painless (up until now with the back pain), all the “other things” that an expecting mom loses sleep over is really starting to kick in.  I find myself laying awake think about everything from sleepless nights in a few months, to nursing, to my whole world changing, to my focus being only on this small little human.  It’s frightening to think that the life I once knew will be completely turned upside down! Whew 


With that said I do believe pregnancy and the moments leading to pregnancy can be a time for enormous personal growth.  As I am preparing for the most important, challenging, and rewarding job “they say” I could ever have, I am constantly reexamining my anxiety.

2 comments:

  1. Selina,
    Friends are hard to find when you reach a certain age and I have been so lucky to have you as a friend and like-minded African-American woman in this inhospitable place I now call home. Just to talk to someone who KNOWS what I am experiencing here in Doha and who doesn't try to make me feel crazy for not LOVING this most lucrative job has been a God-send. Like you, I was craving a change and looking for...something. Although this journey has not turned out to be quite like I planned, I still count myself lucky to be experiencing it. BTW, THANKS for your note, it was a timely reminder that I need to keep it positive and keep it MOVING FORWARD!!

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  2. Nena,

    You have become so reflective and introspective in the last year or more. It is always exciting and rewarding to find these journals of yours in my inbox. I so envy you for having the diligence and fortitude to go forward with such a major decision in leaving the hustle/bustle of NYC. Yes, NYC is a great city, but the primal, urban environment will and does wear you down. We all need time to gather ourselves and find something esoteric to keep us in tune with nature and the vastness of the world/universe before and around us. And now that marriage has brought forth an extension to your perfect union, you are even more connected to the world, resulting in what you are already seeing as a greater responsibility. I am sure that you will persevere through all and have a greater impact, leaving an indelible mark on some unsuspecting soul who needs it. My desire is that you will be rewarded with the very best things that life has to offer. BE WELL and strive on into the unknown for it is there where the mover of the unmoved rests and it is there from whence you have come, where ying meets yang, where X meets Y and each becomes a part of the other to resolve the unknown. AMANDLA, PEACE & BLESSINGS to the voice of reason. Love ya.

    Grace

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