Truth Over Harmony

Fifth Month of Pregnancy 
Some would say that pregnancy is a wild, wild ride.  The hormones making you Jekyll-and-Hyde levels of insane and these bizarre cravings take over your life.  Thankfully I haven’t had many of these “symptoms” other than morning sickness at the very beginning of the pregnancy.  Now don't get me wrong, morning sickness is a beast in itself and I don't wish it on anyone. I felt as if I was suffering one of the worst hangovers of my life for weeks…..kind of hard to put into proper words. So while I can definitely say I don't have the raging hormones or cravings, I most certainly can tell I am changing from the inside out.  I feel like a completely different person already and I’m pretty sure there is no going back to my “old” self when this is over. My bladder surely will never be the same again after this pregnancy! 

Pregnant and Living Overseas

We currently live 13 hours away from family and friends back in the States.  So we literally have no one but each other out here in Qatar.  And we know that can be both a good and bad thing, and sometimes I worry about postpartum (although generally I don't ever get depressed) after the baby is born without having supportive people around to make the transition into motherhood easier.  I know there will be times when I wish I could just drop by my mom’s house for dinner or to drop the baby off for a couple of hours to run errands.  On the other hand though, I guess I don't have to worry about any “drop-in” guests or always having people around who give me unsolicited advice lol.  I hope and anticipate that there will be nothing sweeter than lying next to my husband and infant knowing that the 3 of us having everything we will ever need in each other.  I trust that this experience will build my self-confidence in taking care of my child without leaning much on anyone else.

That belly tho'

I love my team!

History repeating itself? Working at another Dysfunctional School 

Sometimes when you’re in the moment it is hard to properly see a situation for what it is.  Thankfully this is not one of those times.  I can fully realize that all the craziness that is constantly going on around me at work is due to the lack of consistent structure, strong leadership, and targeted goals that drive the organization.  And bringing up a problem is seen as evidence of a personality defect rather than as an observation of reality.   Teachers at the school have gotten so used to the multitude of X factors, in fact, that they stop expecting very general things to be done efficiently. 

So what am I learning from this very interesting work experience? 

• A successful turnaround at a school requires transforming school culture, expectations, and routines......(much like the United States). 
• Unless your leaders and staff are deeply and irrevocably committed to making a turnaround work, school reform and progress is going to fail.
• A focus needs to be on possibilities and opportunities instead of barriers, while working to eliminate those barriers that prevent learning altogether.
• Truth Over Harmony always!

Thinking Ahead.....So what's next?

Who knows what next year will bring?  The past few weeks I have been seriously thinking about what my next steps will be and how it will affect my family, career, and personal development.    I have found in the past that knowing what my next few steps are have made it easier to make choices and to  

work a little harder even when I did not want to.  But what happens when you aren’t sure about where the next road leads?   I guess the only 'acceptable' solution I found and the one I'm sticking to right now is to do what I have started already, until I get to that point when I say "Stop!" and move on to something else, although starting from the beginning is not so intriguing….change is inevitable and necessary.

And on that note I always keep in mind………

“ Every man is the painter and the sculptor of his own life. ”

— St. John Chrysostom

I'm evolving....and it's a good thing!

Three apartment moves in one country done!

Two weeks of professional development done!

First week of School done!

One tired Selina!

The job 
So after months of accumulating ideas, concerns, and areas of weakness for the school, I put together a professional development that I was pleased with.  It was not perfect by far, not “exactly” what I wanted or precisely the exact thing every teacher needed but it was a huge step in the right direction.  I have always taken great pride in loving my staff, trusting their professionalism, listening to their concerns and responding accordingly.  I feel gratified that this is still true after being out of the classroom in administration for 3+ years now.  In a school, your staff is one of your most valued commodities and I have literally seen schools crumple (no names mentioned lol) because they didn't value and/or support their staff members.  I always promised myself that when I left the classroom, I would remain an educator at heart and always think about what is best for all stakeholders.  I’m glad to still be in a position where I can uphold this and the bureaucracy hasn't hindered my vision.

Out of professional development this year came many school-wide changes that I don’t think most people expected (administration and teachers included).  I had three goals for professional development this year:
1. To transform the culture of the school (the culture of achievement, as well as, culture of school-wide expectations).
2. To develop one school = one team, building moral and school spirit
3. To develop consistency around academics and quality instruction in every division (from Reading to PE, from ECC to Secondary)
Its definitely too early to say whether any of the goals were achieved, but it is crystal clear that the school has begun to move in the right direction.  Small victories…☺

The position, my age, and dealing with change
As you recall, I was promoted to a new position this year and now I am the Head of Learning and Instruction.  Which on the surface seems like an awesome position to have and a great next step up the career ladder for me.…hmmmm…. What people in these positions don’t often talk about is how lonely it is as you move further up the career ladder, especially as a black woman.  I’m not much of a “sharer” actually people would probably call me an “under-sharer” as I keep everything contained inside; but this is something I feel like is important to share so people understand me, as a person.  I’m in a very awkward position this year. The other administrations are all very much older than me and I don't quite fit into their social group (and I’m fine with) because frankly I think they don't know how to categorize the people me and my husband’s are.  Most teachers either see me as their “boss” and are afraid to talk to me (let along do any social activities with me) OR feel like because I’m married I don't enjoy doing a lot of things that singles do lol.  And then throw in the fact that I’m the only Black American in the school, which I’m sure for many this is their 1st interaction with someone from my culture and so that adds on a level of apprehension.  It is a situation I am not use to…..where I come from… faculty and administration cross-over or at least have some staff social functions together….but this is all so dissimilar.  But all of that said I realize I am also a bit of a loner and desire space away from the people I work with.  Need to find a balance……I guess it all takes some adjusting to ah?

In sickness and health:
Last year as you can remember I got an awful virus working here in Qatar.  The virus was definitely debilitating on my immune system and skeletal system as it severely affected all my major joints.  In and out of the hospital for weeks, I can say that was not one of our high moments overseas.  However, my husband was such a rockstar and positive motivator especially on days that I didn't have a positive thing to say about the country, the job, or my experience here.  So I continue to ask him are you sure you meant in sickness and health lol!  This year his patience and unconditional love will once again be tested as we found out that I am expecting.  Which meant not only could I not help move a lot of our stuff in August, but I have had morning (afternoon & evening…hell pretty much all day) sickness, mood swings, and fatigue.  Yet another year I will ask him to remain my rock in sickness and health☺ With morning sickness done whew, mood swings subsiding, and the overall fatigue lightening up…..perhaps I should do something nice for him before he has to take care of me again rotfl.  Surprise vacation might do the trick?


Travel adventures before “Labor Day”
The labor day I refer to is now the week of March 13th.  As I think about my  upcoming breaks and the new addition to our family, I am trying to figure out how we can fit in at least another 2 vacations before I officially cant fly.  I was thinking hard about Phuket and Bangkok for Christmas but now I have to go home to do some baby celebrating with the family & friends.  Perhaps we can still get in Oman, Turkey, and Maldives since they are all relatively close to Qatar.  I have three breaks to work with but my travel bug isn’t quite kicking in……any recommendations for Caribbean island destinations during the Christmas holiday that are easy to escape to if we will be in NY?

Poem of the week:
Don't Quit
When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Year 2: Gotta be better than year 1

This quote pretty much sums up my life:
I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing!  
 ~ Agathe Christle 

London, England:
What a beautiful place!?!  London reminds me a lot of New York City: pubs, taxis, incredibly expensive, beautiful people, luxury accommodations, restaurants, parks and Broadway shows.   Overall impression.....London was a crowded, fast and huge bustling city.

I stayed in Greater London for my conference (but traveled into the city during the evenings) and that area was more like a lot of little towns and villages joined together.  Each neighborhood seemed to have its own character. Some were very nice. Some were dangerous and unsettling.  Much like NY there seems to be a vast range of wealth.  It appears that some of the richest people in the world live in London.  On the other hand, some very poor people live on the streets in cardboard boxes too.

The tube (London’s underground subway) is pretty brilliant; you can cross the city quickly and easily, and it is one of the best-connected systems I’ve been on (after NYC of course lol).  London when measured against other major cities in the world seems to still be worthy of its place near the top of the list as one of the world’s top cities.  I think the pubs and food moved their ranking to the top for me!

Summer in NYC:
So my summer in NYC was a whirlwind, tornado, cyclone all wrapped in one (Elena told me it would be and I should have listened)!  It is impossible to put into context the amount of people you feel obligated to see, dinners and drinks, and money I spent getting together to see some familiar faces.  While it was a very exhausting and time consuming trip, I appreciated every moment of catching up with family and friends.  A lot has changed since I have been gone in Qatar; but many things stayed the same.  While it was comfortable to come home to familiar surroundings, I found myself feeling out of place in my longtime home.  Didn’t think it would only take me one year for me to realize that living in NYC isn’t for me anymore.

The things you learn as you get older (and hopefully wiser)...

1. The rumors are true: your metabolism does slow down as you get older! That means if you’re still eating whatever you want, there’s a good chance you’ll start to gain an awkward amount of weight.
2. You’re going to have people in your life who are toxic. They may say that they love you, they may say that they have your back, but they don’t. Get rid of them.
3. Always swallow your pride to say you’re sorry. Being too proud to apologize is never worth it — your relationship suffers for no good benefit. (my husband helped me learn this)
4. The moment is all there is.  All our worries and plans about the future, all our replaying of things that happened in the past — it’s all in our heads, and it just distracts us from fully living right now. Let go of all that, and just focus on what you’re doing, right at this moment. 
5. You can’t motivate people. The best you can hope for is to inspire them with your actions. 
6. You are so lucky to have everything that you have. Stop crying about stupid shit and get some perspective.

Year 2
The next segment of my journey in the Middle East has officially begun.  We just moved into the flat at the Pearl, which is a man-made Island here in Doha Qatar (kinda dope).  The pearl tower we moved into is similar to our apartment back in NYC, except the amenities in this tower makes this a huge upgrade in terms of apartments.  Lap pool, Jacuzzi, sauna, squash/tennis court, bbq deck area, fitness gym, doorman, concierge, taxis on call, maid service, and 2 bathrooms (yes lord two lol).  As I sit back here in my new pearl Doha flat taking in the sights, smells, and sounds; and all I can think is that God has truly blessed me and taken me down a path unforeseen.  Now don’t get me wrong the work and hours I will have to put in this year will be compensation for these perks and accommodations…but its all worth it right?

If someone asked me two years ago back at Lighthouse where I would be today, I would say with certainty in a Principalship somewhere in the inner city.  Just goes to show you that our plan isn’t always what God has planned for us.  His plan is divine and great....way beyond our imagination.

What you know about 109 degrees (42c) ?!?!

Ever went in a sauna on a hot 

Summer day?

 

Yeah, well that gives you a good idea about how it feels in Qatar right now…as I slowly countdown the hours until I leave for London!  I know that I have said this many times before, but I swear to you the heat here is like nothing I have ever experienced (not Mexico, DR, Caribbean, Cali).  To help you put it into perspective envision this:

•        There are literally no people outside until after 4pm.  Its like a ghost town all over the city of Doha before the sun sets.  As the sun declines, the city suddenly comes alive (and I use that word loosely) and traffic steadily builds. 
•       The cars are hot, no, like hot to the touch.  I was in my drivers’ car yesterday looking at apartments for next year and he showed me a cd that had been destroyed along with the deck of his car because of the oppressive heat.  I’m telling you, we gotta be closer to the sun than in NYC lol.  Bump into a car out here and you might just get a third degree burn.
•       Some might think going to the pool and/or beach in this heat provides relief.  And it does for all of a few minutes.  Unless you plan to sit in the water all day (drink and book in hand) then you are going to die of heat exhaustion sitting outside all day.  Definitely not like the states where you can just have a beach day and not have to worry about intense sunburn and dehydration. 
•       No walks in the park (well they don’t really have parks here anyway), No sitting outside people watching, Definitely No eating outside, and Definitely SUNGLASSES, HATS, & SCARVES all the time. 
•       Last but not least, I can do Bikram (Hot Yoga) outside....beat that shit!  

330 days away from NYC - so fast, yet so long

There is approximately 14 days left until the end of term and my first full school year working in Qatar! I made it whewwww…but believe me there were times when I didn’t think I would.  I have learnt to P.U.S.H (Pray Until Something Happens) more than ever before in my life this year.  Between health and physical problems, the stress of moving overseas and uprooting my whole life, culture shock and work shock (yeah work shock lol) everything almost put me over the edge.  Happy to say that what doesn’t kill you, does indeed make you stronger. Or at least smarter, the next time around.

So many of my friends & family ask what have I gotten out of this Middle Eastern experience and why have I decided to stay here another year…despite the 108 degrees (42c) sweat sauna of a country Qatar is.   I guess the best way to put it is to say:  Adventure is a path. Real adventure – self-determined, self-motivated, often risky – forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world. The world the way it is, not the way you imagine it.  And that’s what I appreciate about this whole experience.  Although it is not how I imagined it to be, I am having firsthand-unanticipated encounters that continue to change me as a person, my perspectives, and beliefs.  Clarity sometimes comes from the weirdest experiences!

Have my views about Qatar changed?

Well, not much they are still some of the rudest, impatient group of people I have ever met in my life.  And they say NYers are loud and rude….these Qataris act like the earth was truly made for them and you should be at their mercy daily.  It is definitely off-putting especially when dealing with some of the condensing higher than mighty parents. (doesn’t help that I’m a black woman either but I hold my own J) I still believe that they are wasteful, lack structure, and crave massive amounts of attention (both kids & adults alike).  BUT I can appreciate that they are of a different culture and I’m stepping into their bizarro world.

 

Schools Out for Summmmmmmmer

We will be leaving for London in a couple of days and I am beyond excited to see all the London sites.  If anyone has tips, please feel free to pass them along!  Can’t lie it will be nice to finally be in a country where I can freely kiss my husband, wear short sleeves….shit maybe even strapless shirts, wear shorts and drink at places other than hotel lounges.  Yes, it will be nice to get a breather away from the M.E for a little minute.  Of course after London, Im coming home (in my Diddy voice)…New York I'm coming home! 

Flashback from one of my 1st blogs in Qatar- (how funny to read this now)

Eat: My quest for familiar food is an unresolved conundrum.  I decided to venture into the seafood section of the market today, which for a normal person living in a regular city doesn’t seem like a big deal but for me it took all the courage I could conjure up to walk in.  Not only is the fish section very smelly (lol) and unorganized, it is also a bit intimidating for a woman who isn’t use to shouting out orders to get help.  There are no order numbers, no real serving lines, and pretty much no “method to their madness” here.  I went in and called myself being polite, but after about all of 4 minutes I had to make my presence known.  All within these 4 minutes, I also realize that the shrimps are prawns with all sorts of antennas pointing at me and the fish all have full heads/tails. WTF!!!! Ok, so I figured out my order super quick and asked in my most polite voice can you please cut & clean them for me?  The butcher shouts yes…. and I’m thinking SCORE!  Well, not so much because when I get my final order the antennas are removed from the prawns, but the fish simply have an incision in their heads and the scales have been removed.  Great, so is that what clean the freaking fish means here? Shoot me! Now I have to look at fish eyes in my sink as I attempt to cut off the fish heads for dinner tonight.  Wholefood’s how I miss thee! 

Clearing the sand from my eyes

I deliberately named this blog....clearing the sand from my eyes because that is exactly what I feel I have been doing both figuratively and literally the last few months.  What a game-changing adventure the Middle East has turned out to be ?!?

I’ve spent most of my last five years trying to get myself setup for the “future”.  In doing so I have lost touch of the things that matter most: living life, health, and happiness.  When you work endless hours and go to school at night, you don’t give much thought to how much of your days, hours, weeks are being lost.  Time much like health is something that you simply can’t get back once it’s lost.  That’s why its important to only give your time to things that you truly value and things that will enhance your overall life.  Ask yourself.....how do you spend your time?  Is it worth it?


Hospitals Overseas
There is something to be said for getting sick in your own country! The NY hospitals and Doctors I have known, loved, and loathed throughout the years oh how I miss thee. Even when the wait time is hours lol, at least I know when I see a Dr. that I’m familiar with I can be guaranteed that all testing will be done and I’ll know what’s wrong with me in the end.  I can’t exactly say the same for the hospitals I have visited in Qatar.  After four weeks of being in and out of the hospital(s) for “unknown” illnesses (lol… I can laugh now), I think I can accurately sum up the health care system here with one word: Inconsistent.  

The hospitals themselves are all fairly new, clean, and modern looking so that’s a huge plus.  The wait time is minimal....30 minutes at the most. The drugs and care is damn near free.  The Doctors come from all different countries; most of them speak Arabic but make a good attempt at speaking/ understanding English.  My experience varied greatly from having a few Doctors who spoke little English and barely understood what was wrong with me.  Who then diagnosis me with Influenza and prescribed me flu medication that I ended up being allergic to.  Clearly me saying I'm allergic to Penicillin wasn’t an alert for don’t prescribe me anything with any form of penicillin in it duh! Next experience, an ER Doctor swore that I had symptoms of Lupus and wanted to inject me (in a place I wont mention) to help with my sudden joint pain and swelling of my face, feet, and hands.  Oh hell nah!

Thank god for the Specialist that I was assigned to after causing a full out scene in the hospital and threatening to call a lawyer…..sometimes being a little crazy “Brooklyn/Bronx” pays off☺  The miracle working specialist that I seen ran every test possible to find out what was going on with my body, and why I couldn’t seem to shake this flu, Lupus-like joint pains & swelling, and headaches.  He was very knowledgeable, comforting, and gentle especially given my current mental state.  So one Doctor out of 4 that I seen who actually made me feel like I didn’t need to hop on a plane back to the United States. Extremely grateful that God allowed him to cross my path during my urgent time of need.

A family of my own 
As a child, I was always mystified by those girls who always wanted to play "Mommy" or "House." It just never held the same allure to me. Sure, I liked Barbies, but I was pretending they were flying around the world or solving mysteries, not having babies or getting married to Ken.  In my 20s, I was equally bewildered by all the women I met who dreamed of being moms more than career women and those that actually felt that it was what they were meant to do. Totally, freaking baffling to me. I just never got it. I know I'm not alone.

Somewhere between clearing the sand from my eyes after landing in Doha and getting a new job offer at a school (I’m still not sure I even want to work at), I suddenly realized that I do want to have a family.  I have never been the I want kids type (maybe b/c I worked in schools) or I want a family of my own type, but something recently clicked inside of me.  And inshallah it will happen. In the way its suppose to and when its suppose to!

Becoming A Minimalist 

Minimalist 

When I moved away from New York City, I vowed to myself that I would simplify, simplify, simplify.  Too much of my lifestyle: work, family, and personal was filled with excessive clutter.  I use to think that there were just a few things that I needed to make me happy and somehow over the last few years, I lost sight of that.  Once I was OK with just being who I am and not being defined by material possessions.  I have slowly started to remove the unnecessary headaches and possessions from my life and cut back on outside commitments, everything else has become incrementally clearer.  I am finally at a place where the distractions are so few that I have to figure out what I’m going to do with all of the empty space in my closet and my brain.  Peace is a wonderful thing.


Words of wisdom - Lesson I recently learnt
It's possible. The only thing between where you are now and having, creating, finishing and completing those seemingly impossible items is your belief that it's not.  If it's something you're driven to create in your life or self, you've been gifted with all the necessary tools, skills, drive and connections you need to make it happen.

That's a FACT!